ALL THAT GLISTENS

ALL THAT GLISTENS
 
Squilchy, squelchy – bottle of gin.
Laugh like a drain – but don’t fall in!
All that glistens is not gold.
This is the story as I’ve been told.
[repeat as chorus if required or as necessary.]
 
Tight Harry, Bold Larry and Loose Hipped Lill,
They always drank till they’d had more than their fill
At the Will O The Wisp at the end of Marsh Lane,
Three heads - each one blessed with but half of a brain!
 
‘Twas there on one sad gloomy November night
After Larry had blackened his eye in a fight
And Harry had lost all his money at whist
That there rose from the marshes a miasmic mist!
 
All at once, Loose Hipped Lill, she jumps up on the bar
And cries out, “We’ll just have to stay where we are!
We’ll dance and we’ll frolic the long night away
Until the mist clears up at sunrise next day!”
 
“Lets have cash on the counter!” the Landlord replies.
“And don’t look at me, Lill, like that, with those eyes!
You’ve done enough damage and made enough din
And you’ve had enough credit, you three, in this Inn!”
 
Tight Harry, Bold Larry and Loose Hipped Lill,
Straight away looked for someone to make pay their bill.
Lill found an old lady all wrapped up in rags
And started to rifle for cash in her bags.
 
“You’ll not find much there, lass!” the old granny said,
“Just a mouldy old cheese and a few crumbs of bread!
But, if you need money to pay for your beer
I know where there’s plenty - a short walk from here!
 
This morning, as, out on the marshes, walked I,
A right pair of cut-throats and robbers passed by
With a box full of gold. Though the guessed not I knew it.
I saw where they hid it! I’ll lead you right to it!”
 
“That you will” cries Bold Larry or pay with your life!”
“Too right!” says Tight Harry and fingers his knife.
Then Loose Lill grabs a torch with a flickering flame
And out of the doorway they bundle the dame!
 
Across the dark marshes the old lady led
The gold-greedy three with one thought in their head,
Along twisty pathways lit by Loose Lill’s fire
Right into the foul smelling mist-murky mire
 
Till they came to an island of stagnant green slime
Where the robbers had hidden the fruits of their crime,
So said the old woman, but when they looked there,
Except for the stench and the mist – it was bare!
 
“Where’s the gold that you promised to pay for our drink?”
Cries Harry – then suddenly feels his feet sink
In the swamp. He can’t move – neither Larry, nor Lill
And their eyes open wide as, with horror, they fill
 
For the old crone has thrown back her cloak and they’ve seen
That her hair is all matted and slimy and green
And writhing with snakes. They start screaming in fright
To see her green scaly skin glisten with light,
 
To see her red eyes and her rotting green teeth
While she watches the swamp pulls them slowly beneath
Till it’s up to their waists and they cannot pull free
And the horror before them cries “Listen to me!
 
My name’s Jinny Greenteeth. I’ve gold coin to spare
Deep down in the mire – and I’m taking you there!
We’ll hold hands together and down we shall sink
To where you’ll be sure there’ll be plenty to drink!
 
Then her arms, like long tentacles, wrapped them tight round
And they sank deeper still in the wet marshy ground
Till, soon, their loud screamings were stifled and still
As, of stinking marsh water, they drank their last fill!
 
Tight Harry, Bold Larry and Loose Hipped Lill,
They always drank till they’d had more than their fill
At the Will O The Wisp at the end of Marsh Lane,
Three heads - each one blessed with but half of a brain!
 
 
 
Martin Riley  2000